Death and Rebirth

Zach Bush MD is one of my most inspirational mentors, and I intend to listen to his seminar on Death and Dying and Rebirth. This topic is extremely important to me, and I want my family to be onboard with me in having a positive attitude when my time comes to pass on to the next plane. To pass through the veil. To leave this planet for the next adventure in my soul's journey. Here is a taste of what I'm talking about:


Good Night Songs

Here are the songs I used to sing to Ben before he went to sleep each night until he was about 6. He slept with Steve and me until that age. (He was a delightful little bedfellow!) I made up the songs, and they were a part of the Waldorf way of raising little ones. We lit a candle and sang before bed. The second song, of course, was my relyric-ing of the familiar "Lullaby" we all know. Ben was particularly open to the idea of angels at that age.

"Angels with me through the day,
Angels with me through the night,
Helping me to do and say
What is good and right."

"Lullaby, and good night,
May the angels of light
Spread their wings round your bed,
From your feet to your head.
May you rest safe and warm
In your dear angel's arms
May you rest, safe and warm
In your dear anget's arms."

A sweet memory of a sweet time.

No Fighting

I do have some expectations of my family during my final days and
beyond.  I want NO fighting, shaming, guilt-tripping, or holding
grudges. If you are tempted to feel guilty, just DON'T!! When I look
down from heaven, I want to see my family working in harmony together
and giving each other the utmost in support, compassion and love.
Every one of you deserves to be treated like gold. Every one of you
will be doing the very best you can to deal with grief and loss. BE
there for each other in a big way. Please! This will make me very
happy. Thank you, my darlings, in advance!

Not everyone wants to drop everything and take care of Mom. Not
everyone can. Not everyone is a caretaker. If I need caretaking by
either a family member or a professional, I want to say in advance,
thank you, thank you, THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart!! I know
that caretaking is hard. But it can also be rewarding. It develops
character, stamina, and loyalty. Plus, it is an excellent medium for
"working on yourself"! It will surely bring up all your "stuff" to be
looked at and let go of. It will touch all your trigger points! But,
when the job is finally over, you can look at yourself and say, "Well
done! You helped someone 'over the rainbow bridge'! We are all
released!" For those who do not choose to caretake, NO GUILT, please.
Caretaking is not for everyone. We all do what we can in our own ways.
We all have to go through this. First, our parents die, then we die.
We will experience it from both sides. Try to remember your death. I
do that most every day now. I'm getting more comfortable with it as
time goes on.

More Additions

Two more things I want to add to my end of life information.

1. I have a DNR (Do not resusitate) that I keep on my bulletin board in the computer room. There is one on the refrigerator too. (Steve's is there, as well.) I also have one in the glove compartment of my car.

2. If I refuse food and water at the end of my life, please do not try to feed me! I will be doing it on purpose. And, as I understand, it is painless. The body is shutting down. It is a natural process. I watched it with Grandpa Bob, and I watched it with my cat. It felt like the right thing in both cases and neither appeared to be in distress.

If, after reading this, anyone has questions, feel free to ask and I will address it here, for the record.

Knowing my end of life wishes is just one more way that my family can know me. I do not expect everyone to agree with me or do what I do. Everyone has there own ways and their own path. And though I may seem weird to many, just know that I've always been like this. I've always marched to my own drum, and I'm grateful for the fact that I've been able to remain true to myself and haven't been forced to march to someone else's drum. I've been privileged in that way.

Don't worry! I am not planning on dying soon! I just want to get this all down while I still can. My mind is sound. I'm not depressed. I look forward to each day! My life is good! I love you all!!


Since I don't know how to edit my original "End of Life Wishes" after they are posted, I'm just going to have to keep adding posts as I think of more things I want recorded. Please bear with me! I want everyone to know that I'm enjoying this process of going over my wishes and laying myself bare as I state my desires and hopefully make crystal clear who I am and how I am living my life and what I expect to come of it for myself. I also want to make sure everyone knows how happy I am with my life and how it has gone. I couldn't have picked a better partner for myself nor could I have had better kids. Everything feels just perfect and complete, although I look forward to how the rest of my life unfolds, however long that will be. I have no expectations except that it will be great! And since I believe that "whatever I look for in life, that is what I will find", I'm pretty confident that I'm going to have a good time overall. (I always seem to experience some glitches along the way, but I think that is just part of the "human experience" and needs to be expected, as much as I'd rather avoid them. They may just exist to keep us humble.)

I made a post in August about my health regime, in case anyone is interested. It has already been altered a bit since then, but is basically still the same. I recorded my regime just in case anyone thinks I'm not taking care of myself. Believe me, I am.

Oh, about Plan B

If I don't get to die in a pleasant way, like I would prefer, and I have to go out via heart attack or stroke, my wish is to have massive ones in which I leave the planet abruptly. I would be absolutely fine with that. If they don't take me out, however, I hope that I can enlist my family to help me rehabilitate. I will take that seriously and work hard to come back to my former abilities. Hopefully, that will never become necessary. But, since both of those diseases run in my family, I can't rule it out as a possibility. The way that I have been cared for in the past has been so stellar, and I know I can depend on my family to help me recover and come back to an acceptable semblance of myself! As I said before, I want to have fun and joy in my life! That would require getting around and doing what I want so I need to be able to think and talk clearly and move well. Worthy goals, I think.

My End of Life Wishes

In case I don't get to tell everyone in my family what my wishes are when it's time for me to leave the planet, I'm writing them down now.

First of all, I am not afraid of dying. I look at dying as merely "passing through the veil to the other side, the next demension." It happens to all of us. To me, it sounds like birth in reverse.
I came into this world very smoothly and quickly. My mother birthed me easily and had happy memories of birthing me. I gave birth to 5 children very quickly and easily and I have happy memories of doing so. I always looked forward to my births. There were no complications. It felt like a spiritual experience to me. It felt like I was giving birth to a child of God, and I felt so privileged to do so. To me, they were, and still are, spiritual beings. I feel the same about myself. I am " a spiritual being having a human experience." When it came to birth, I wanted to do it MY way. That meant, without medications. All natural. That is the way I have always done things, whenever possible. When I had to go to the emergency room for an intestinal surgery, I felt like a fish out of water. I had no idea what was going on, and all the things they had to do to me were foreign and uncomfortable and scary. When it comes to my death, my wishes are along the same lines as my births. Natural, if possible. And please respect my wishes to have people around me who view death as sacred and who will keep remembering that I am a spiritual being who is returning to the spirit world, and that it's ok. I would like to die at home. In my sleep would be nice, but if I need assistance, I like Hospice care, and would be OK with pain killers if it seemed like I was in great pain and was not handling it well. I would like to be "midwifed out" by my loved ones. But, if I have to be alone, that's ok too. I will be OK. If my births were any indications, the last stretch of them were always intense and I was just focusing on getting the job done and was not too aware of what was going on around me. Death may be the same. A woman in labor can look and sound like she's having a very hard time, but in reallty she is just working hard. She's OK. I know I was. It may be that separating from the physical body is painful. For the body anyway. I'm sure my spirit will be in no pain at all. I accept that.

If for some reason my family cannot be with me when I die, please know that I am very aware of how much my children and husband love me and I have never doubted that. You don't need to tell me "one last time" that you love me. I KNOW. It is clearly evident to me that you all love me by your actions and your every day behavior. I feel very lucky about that. Very blessed. And I love you all SO much!!!  More than anything!!! I hope you know that by my actions and by the love I try to express regularly. I came here for you all. So I feel very complete. If I die tomorrow, it will be OK. I feel like I've done what I came to earth for. If I get a few more years, so much the better to love and watch my grandchildren grow. But if that is not to be, it's not to be. It's OK.

If I have to die in a hospital, that's OK. Not my first choice, but if I have to, I have to. Now if I end up having a debilitating condition, like cancer, alzheimers disease, or parkinsons disease..... heaven forbid.... and I become too much to care for, put me in a nursing home. That's what they are for. I would never want to burden my family with causing extreme hardship. If I'm mean... please forgive me! If I can't take care of basic functions, please forgive me! If I dont know who you are anymore, please forgive me!!!! And you have my permission to put me in a nursing home. Again, that is what they are for. I hope it doesn't come to that, of course. I love my home. I want to stay in my home, if possible. I want things to go smoothly and easily and live with awareness and joy until the end. That is my wish.

About WHEN I die. I have no wishes to live a long life if it's not a good life. I want to be having a good time to the very end. I don't want to live in a debilitated body. That sounds like hell. And it is! Grandpa Bob lived a very long time in a body that wasn't working very well. That seemed to be fine with him. But, as for me, I would not wish to live till 98 in his condition. That's not living to me! That is not a judgement on him. His ending went exactly as it was meant to. I was proud to be a part of it. He had his own way of doing things, and I like to think we honored his ways. Of course, I will live as long as I am suppose to, be it till tomorrow, or into my 90s, or anywhere in between. But, I want to be able to enjoy my life, not just stay alive. I have no attachment to a certain age. I am doing the very best I can to stay healthy and happy, and it takes a lot of effort. I'm glad to be able to do all the things that keep me feeling well. It takes a significant part of my days. But, I find it interesting and motivating, because, as I've said, I want to feel good until the end.

I do not wish to live my last years on medications. I do take all kinds of over the counter supplements. That's my style. Whenever I've been given a prescription for medication, I have researched altenatives. So far, that has worked well for me. I'm on no lifelong medications at this time. I'd like it to stay that way. I don't want to live my last years, "all drugged up". Again, not my style. No judgements on how other people do things. I just seem to be a black sheep. Always bucking the system, always questioning the status quo. That's how I am and how I've always been. And I like it that way. That's me.

At this moment, I am dealing with abdominal pain similar to the pain I experienced when I had a twisted intestine and had to go to the hospital three times before. I pray to God that I will not have to do that again. It was hell on earth for me!! I'm keeping a careful eye on it, and I'll go to urgent care if it doesn't let up in a reasonable amount of time. But, it has caused me to reflect on the fact that I haven't discussed my end of life wishes with my family (except for Damian and Maya and Steve) and I feel that it's prudent to get this all down on paper so there is no question about my wishes. I survived the surgeries I had to endure, and I'm sure I could do it again. But, believe me, this is NOT FUN! Hopefully this will resolve on its own. I don't relish being in a hospital during this Covid-19 lockdown! Or ANY time!


My New Motto


Meaning, I am not afraid of dying. I will just go back to where I came from. Back through the veil. Back to my true home. There is nothing to fear in that.

Health Practices During the Pandemic

Health practices are a way of life for me. And since I am pretty much confined to my house and our property during this Covid-19 lockdown, and have been since the middle of March of this year, I could think of nothing more important to do than improve my health. After all, haven't I suffered from "asthmatic coughing" for at least 10 years? Isn't this the time to try and get that under control? I want to meet this virus with the best immune system I can muster. Here is my daily routine:

When I awaken I do an in-bed warm-up. Hand and foot circles, ankle and wrist "waves", toe and finger contractions, whole body lengthening, neck turns. Then I start drinking a quart of water. At this time I take nitric oxide supplements to get my blood moving. Glutathione is part of that. I've been measuring my nitric oxide levels, and so far I've been disappointed that my levels over the last three weeks have not risen at all. I'm considering scrapping this supplementation, as it's expensive.

Then I begin my teeth regime. I use a toothpick to scrape along my gumline and between my teeth, then I do oil pulling with coconut oil for 20 minutes (swishing oil in the mouth, then spitting out) This is for general oral health, but particularly the gums. The other part of my oral hygine happens at night, which I'll get to later. About once every two weeks, I check my tonsils to make sure they are not clogged. If they are, I remove the debris with a Q-tip.

Then I drink a glass of Emergen-C= 1,000 mgs of vitamin C for general immune health.

Next I brush my hair, then my skin with a long-handled skin brush to remove dead skin. After that, I apply my homemade skin cream to all the areas that I brushed. Then I get dressed.

At this point, I take my brisk walk to the mailbox. That takes 15 minutes. During the walk I do breathing exercises, Buteko-style, which consists of holding my breath for 20 steps and breathing normal for 30 seconds over and over until I get home. This exercises address asthma.

When I get home, I take Dr. Zach Bush's microbiome formula for general health and wellness. 20 minutes later, I have my first meal, which is a smoothie: 1 tsp of spirlina powder, 1 tsp, maca powder, two bananas and water. Not exactly tasty, but I've developed a taste for it over the years. At this time, I take my morning supplements: a digestive enzyme, vit. D3 and K2, Amata Life's Pueraria Mirifica which is an herb only grown in Thailand and is used to help menopausal women with dryness and energy (it works!), biotin for dry skin, and a probiotic. I add a half teaspoon of magnesium liquid to my quart of water and begin sipping it.

Then I begin my morning workout. Since I haven't been to the gym since March, i've missed my daily gym workouts very much. I've tried to duplicate them at home, minus the weights, with moderate success. I do general stretching and then pushups and jumping-jacks and toe touching.

Then I sit and meditate and do breathing exercises until Margo gets here. When she arrives for her "Nana Honey time" we ususally draw for an hour. I've been practising my drawing skills and I'm getting better. In fact, I often find that I LIKE my pictures. That feels like progress to me.

I usually eat some nuts for a snack while we draw. I take a digestive enzyme and also Lion's Mane herb. It's made from a mushroom and it's for memory and nerve support.

During the day, if my eyes get a bit cloudy or irritated, I use some homeopatic eye drops to clear and sooth them.

Around noon, I make a "green drink" of kale, spinich, carrot, apple, banana, avocado, tomato, and blueberries blended in water. I also start on my second quart of water with magnesium in it.

I make sure to try and nap in the afternoon. When I can (if it's not too hot) I will lay out in the sun for 5 minutes on each side for vit D supplementation.
Sometimes I do my meditations outside in the shade for more outdoor time. I also do my hand watering after the sun sinks behind the mountain. There is plenty of housework to do during the day, and often baby Charlotte comes to visit in the afternoon. This really lifts my spirits! I usually get a visit from Ollie, as well.

I try to call at least one friend a day for my social needs. During this pandemic most everyone is eagar to talk, and many are quite disturbed and need to talk it out. This socializing feels just as important as all my other health practises. I'm grateful for phones for this reason. We are all isolated.

Our main meal of the day is usually around 4 PM. That's when I get my grains and protein and fats. I am not a big eater, so I have to be careful to eat the most healthful of organic foods when I do it.  At that time, I take another Amata Life and enzymes.

At sundown, I take another 15 minute walk with breathing exercises. Then Steve and I usually go to the sky deck to star gaze and visit. Sometimes other family members join us up there.

Bedtime is 10 PM. I have a whole regimine before bed. Since I've had trouble with insomnia the last few years, my regimine is geared towards getting a good sleep. My sleep has been much better lately. Before hopping in bed, I drink water with acacia fiber in it. This insures good elimination in the morning. (So does the probiotic and the magnesium.) Then i tape my mouth shut. I know this sounds strange and uncomfortable, but it really isn't. It's a way of making sure I don't breathe through my mouth at night. I wake up with a moist mouth and a feeling of being rested because I was not snoring or mouth breathing all night. It's really quite comfortable and soothing to have my mouth held shut at night. It's also good for my teeth. When my mouth gets dried out and is not being bathed in saliva all night it is prone to dental caries. I drink no more water until I get up in the morning. Then I remove the mouth tape and begin all over again. Oh, of course, I brush my teeth before bed and sometime use the water pik if my gums feel irritated. It works great!

The above is an account of the mechanics of my health regime. But, the mental/emotional part is just as important. Therefore, I am constantly reading and learning new things about health. I have been greatly helped by authors Dr. John Sarno and his student/author Steve Ozanich. The jist of their pitch is that the mind and body are one. So if you have a physical ailment it most likely has a mental/emotional origin. So we need to address our emotions, what's bugging us, and do the psychological work of clearing out unwanted states of mind. I do that by regularly practising the "tapping" method (EFT) for clearing my stress. The result is nothing short of miraculous for me. But it takes time and effort and the willingness to look at and admit my "stuff". Look at my baggage. Sometimes I'm up for hours in the middle of the night doing my tapping. It's uncomfortable, but I never regret it. I usually feel much better afterwards and am able to sleep well the rest of the night.

I've been working faithfully on the Buteko breathing exercies for addressing my coughing and other asthma symptoms. It's a lot of work, and I find it slow going, but I'm persisting. At one point I was doing breath work for 10 minutes out of every hour all day. That was hard to keep up. At this time, I am using liquid magnesium to reduce my coughing. It seems to be helping with reducing that itching feeling in my throat that makes me cough. Time will tell. This is an experiment. In fact, everything I do is an experiment. I love tracking progress. Speaking of tracking, I take my blood pressure regularly, and take my blood sugar readings occasionally... just for fun. My blood sugar is always good. No problems there. My blood pressure is generally very good. But sometimes it's higher than it should be and I'm reminded to calm down, relax and clear my mind. That usually brings it down to an acceptable level.

I also, have taken to not listening to the news. All the news is bad news right now. I find that listening to it raises my stress levels (and blood pressure) for no reason. I realized that reminding myself daily about politics and the progress of this virus only makes me scared and tense. This is not something I want to do to myself. So, I avoid the news. It's much better for me.

I also observe my thinking and monitor it. Too much thinking, in general, is not good for me. "Less thinking, more doing"is my new motto. I also try to avoid getting polarlized into Left or Right thinking and labelling the sides good or bad. I try to see what's right about BOTH. This seems like another good thing to be monitoring and practicing. SO much practising! But. really, what else do I have to do? This is my work!

Special Delivery!

I'm delivering Charlotte to her mother in the cabin on our property after some "Nana Honey Playtime" at my house. It's nice to have a baby around again! One more person to love!