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Be Full of Care - Livin' the Good Life

May. 31st, 2010

09:36 am - Be Full of Care

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Mamas! Daddies! Watch what you say, PLEASE!

This is the scenerio I hear about often:

Dad comes home from work. Mom is tired of dealing with the kids all day. In fact, she's at her wits end. She holds her baby out to her husband and says, "Here, you take her! She's driving me crazy!" or, "Your turn! I need some ME time! Bye." Mother leaves.

Now, it's true that children can "drive us crazy" and that we do sometimes come to our "wits end".

But, just for a moment, imagine yourself a little child again. Feel what that feels like. Now imagine your mom saying those things to your dad in front of you. What does that feel like? I never heard my mom say anything like that. She was super-careful about what she said in our presence as kids. She knew that we might get the following messages if she said those things:

I don't enjoy being with you.
I can only take so much of your presence.
You have the ability to drive me crazy.
I need to get away from you. You are too much for me.
I can't function when I spend a lot of time with you.
I can't stand to be around you when I'm tired.
Someone else is better with you than I am.
I have better things to do than be with you.
You are keeping me from doing what I want.
I don't like you.

If you are grumpy and tired and ready for a break, try these words to your child and hubby:

"Oh boy! Daddy's home! Now you guys can have some fun together. Yay!"
"Here comes Daddy! He's going to be so glad to see you!
"Your little boy needs some good 'Daddy juice'!"
"_____ wants his Daddy!"
"Here comes the best Daddy in the world! Aren't you lucky!"
"Go give Daddy a hug!
"I need a hug!" and then get one.
"Let the fun begin!"
"Daddy time!"
"Now it's your turn to have our little sweetie."
"Now you get to be with Daddy while I ______. I'll be in the other room if you want me."
"Daddy's got some big, warm arms for you!"

Your child will retain his self-worth hearing loving phrases like these. The fact that you are tired or angry or bored, or whatever, is NOT HIS PROBLEM. He doesn't need to hear about it or feel responsible for it. It is our responsiblity as adults to make sure our needs are met, but not at the expense of our children's needs to feel treasured and loved unconditionally. When we lose our tempers, which all parents do sometimes, it is our job to figure out how to avoid that in the future and to maintain a positive attitude for our child to drink in and eventually imitate.
Carefully monitor your words! Your children ARE listening. They may look like they aren't, but they hear, and take to heart, every word you say and how you say it.


Date:June 1st, 2010 03:53 pm (UTC)
Amen to what you wrote. Those little statements, both the negative and positive ones, affect generations.
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