Reflecting - Livin' the Good Life
Apr. 12th, 2008
01:52 am - Reflecting
Lest I make it sound like "the good old days", back in the 70s when we were first having kids and living our "back to the land" dream, was better than now, it wasn't. It was HARD WORK! I was physically stressed most of the time. I was often too cold, too hot, sleep deprived, overwhelmed, and overly-committed to others. For example, I had no time at all for reflection. Here I am at 2 AM writing my thoughts and feelings in my journal, and it's no problem. I can sleep in tomorrow. When I had babies, I was definitely at their beck and call and would never have been sitting at the computer in the middle of the night. At this hour, I would have been fast asleep or briefly tending to a little one. In the daytime I spent all my time taking care of people, animals, the house, the yard... everything but me. Consequently, I got run down and had frequent colds and sore throats. I didn't know the cause of my sore throats back then. Now I do. I really don't know how I could have done it differently, though. I did what I needed to do under those circumstances. And my life was extremely emotionally rich. Much more so than now. My life now is very calm, relaxed, reflective, and comfortable. I'm not cold anymore. I'm not stressed about finances. No one else determines my day. It's all mine. I have time to think my thoughts, feel my feelings, and even write about them. It feels very self-indulgent. I like it that I can tend to myself if I'm not feeling well, and I can even figure out why I'm not feeling well and how to prevent it from happening again. I can see the connections between what is happening "out there" and what I'm experiencing inside. I find that fascinating. My life was always compelled by things outside myself. Now it's not. At almost 60, this is the season for me. My season for others lasted a very long time. Most of my life. I was thoroughly caught up in it. I was engrossed in it. It meant EVERYTHING to me. But, now here I sit at 2 AM, with no particular demands on my time, just reflecting about life and enjoying it. It's different. It's all good.